Why Don't I understand? and What’s it all about?

I write a joke a song a poem and nothing changes in the world, or is it that the change is so small or so far away that it just does not register with me? Perhaps things do change for others who maybe are in greater need of a change.

 

I throw a buck or two or twenty or two hundred into the lottery draws each and every week hoping/planning to get rich and have an early retirement. I've often been asked, what would I do if I ever did win it all? I always answer, buy a Brand new bed and just sleep for a while, turn off the lights, unplug the phone and computer and have me a proper week or two of just solid sleeps.

 

 

Why is it so damn important to you for me to love your pets too?????

I have not had a pet in my life for many years now and I am doing just fine. So I don't want you to bring your smelly dogs over to my place, you're gonna tell me, "if my dogs aren’t welcome  well neither am I" That is right, YOUR PETS ARE NOT WELCOME! And if that means you're staying away too then so be it.

 

Hecklers????? Who are they? Where are they from? And where are they going to be next?

 

I'm starting up a new weekly comedy show that is for an Audience that is ONLY interested in a comic’s clean set, the show is called Corporate Cruise Cut. Comics are asked to only perform material that is appropriate at a corporate function, or for families on a Cruise ship.

What was the first sentence out of the mouth of the first comic I introduced at the first show?

"Are you F**king kidding me?" bla bla bla bla bla

Road Gig Barrie On

Home to Kempenfelt Bay and known for its waterfront ice sculptures in the winter months and it’s art in the summer………spending the weekend at the Mansion Night Club/Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club doing my shows while knitting lol.  The audience was lively and fun, thanks for coming out Gerry!

Thought I might stick around for the after the show entertainment , I knew it was a prelude of what was to come for the rest of the night.

Decided to see the local hot spots instead….rolled into a strip mall kind of thing with a bar and a whole bunch of cars. This says hot spot to me if I ever saw one. So I pay the four dollars cover charge and wonder what I’m getting for my four bucks. I give the place the once over and it’s packed. I stand over by the dance floor and the music was pretty live and then I realize that I got way more bang for my buck.

The Ladies were out and living large! girls in tube tops and spandex in minus 2° ?  Risky but hey it’s Barrie and they are used to the cold.  Cougars/hot older women.... were on the prowl….grrrr.  What really stood out in lovely Barrie was the guy with a girl on a dog leash and she was sporting stockings and a black tutu. Now that’s worth four bucks all day long!

Thanks for having me Barrie; I can’t wait til next time!

OPEN MIKE

Open mike night….a chance for me to try some new stuff on some unsuspecting and very lucky audience members. Okay maybe not audience members, other comics, six to be exact.

But they are getting my very best…well my best attempt at perfecting a possible work in progress that may or may not ever see the light of day.

So everything was going along well, me and the other five, when I actually see a new group of people slide in the side door. More like fall in the door…….possibly a few drinks prior to arrival??

Let’s talk about another road show that the few new people in the audience didn't know was about to happen …

We were having a great time then "Dan" wants to get on stage to tell me how great he thinks I'm doing. Come on down Dan, in this room I could use all the help I can get.

If Dan was on the wagon, sober that is, I would say he knew he was grabbing my ASS! But he had fallen off the wagon, hammered as a dog’s hind leg… (I know that doesn’t make sense) had rolled into the gutter and was a bit sullied so I’ll say that he was just using my butt for balance?

Audiences everywhere seem to think that I just pluck a great joke out of the air and slam it down like a trump card…….. I don’t but I usually get them from Dan…

And If you are ever in Erin, Ontario,  stay for a while cause the people are kind, warm, love to drink, hug, and whistle out loud during show time and btw aren’t too wild about masturbation jokes………..who doesn’t love those I ask you?

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